As some of you know I just moved to California. Settling into my new home and new job has left me small amounts of time to attempt the ol’ making friends thing. Also I am not very motivated. I tend to enjoy being a little on the antisocial side. However, I was looking at my instagram last night and I thought shit, I need to get some friends, I have been posting way too many selfies lately. Then I took a second to really think about it. First of all, why do I really take all of these selfies? What is the purpose behind it? And secondly, why am I so embarrassed about it?
So I thought… and I thought some more.. I realized that I take these selfies when I am bored, and when I am doing something fun I want to share with people. I don’t think there is anything wrong with sharing fun things that I am doing like gardening or reading in a park or whatever. The “me being bored” reason caused me to think a little deeper. Yes, I do it when I am bored, but why would I choose it over say, watching a tv show? I think it comes down to this one sentence:
Selfies make me feel good about myself and I am not ashamed of doing things to make myself feel good.
Walks make me feel good too, so I take walks sometimes. Writing makes me feel good, so I do that sometimes. Yeah, I might tweak my angle a little bit to make myself look better but guess what? I look at that picture, and I genuinely think to myself- “Damn, I am cute today”.. and guess what again? That will probably the only time I will be confident about my appearance for the entire day. That’s right I said it. I am a self-declared feminist and still I hate my body and appearance sometimes. Like, a lot actually. I am super insecure about my weight and yes I hate that I am insecure about these things because I am supposed to be a body-loving, chub-embracing feminist but guess what? It is fricking hard sometimes. It is a journey, something I work on every day. I want SO badly not to care about what my shell looks like. I truly spend so much time trying to love that shell, but sometimes nothing helps. Sometimes the only part of the day I feel confident is when I look at that iphone. It sounds pathetic, but I am done feeling pathetic about it. It shouldn’t be pathetic! We live in a world that tries to tell us we are not good enough EVERY DAY so we HAVE to find ways to fight that. One of my ways, is selfies. Boom.
So there you go. That is why I am not ashamed of the million selfies I post. It gives me a boost of confidence and I am not embarrassed of needing a boost of confidence every once in a while. If someone bases their whole worth on how many likes their selfies get, then we get into a tricky area. There we have people determining their entire self value on appearance and obviously I don’t want that, I am just saying that I am sick of feeling embarrassed about looking at a picture of myself and being happy with what I see.
^^ Before I shaved my head in January.