Combobulation, Confusion, and Chaos.

So there I was last night, work week finally  over, whole Friday night ahead of me. I thought to myself, this is the night. Tonight is the night. I shall start my blog. Very dramatic, I know. Throughout the past couple years, I have dabbled with blogging in my travels but never have committed to one outside of that. I have never really shared my thoughts in one, only told stories. But guess what, I have a lot more thoughts than stories. Thoughts that turn into opinions, I have a bunch of those too. Which I am sure you are just dying to hear. 😉

Like for example, I have an opinion forming right this minute. Wanna know what it is? Bosses suck sometimes. Wanna know why? Because I am currently sitting in the dark, in my car waiting for my partner to get off work. Sounds normal right? Not when he was supposed to get off work an hour and fifteen minutes ago… Of course, since I am inhumanly punctual, this means that I have been waiting to pick him up for an hour and fifteen minutes. Why am I sitting in the dark you ask? Because the street I am on has a sketchy bar with drunk weirdos walking around and I am being a paranoid freak so I don’t want to draw attention to myself by turning the light on. I don’t know why my wussy pants are on tonight, but whatever. So yeah, I’d just like you to take a second to picture me scribbling in my journal on some random street trying to see what I am writing by the light of the street lamp. Not my most glamorous moment.

Anyway, back to my original point. There I was yesterday afternoon with the whole night ahead of me. I was excited to jump in and write my first entry, but first, aesthetics. My blog has to be cute right? No one wants to read an ugly blog.. Well that was my first thought anyways. So I began my little customizing endeavor.

Four hours later…

Me yelling at my computer screen: “FINE WORDPRESS, I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE VALUE OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE ANYWAYS”!!! How did I get to this point of rage? I will tell you. First of all, I started looking at the themes they provide, who the hell pays $79 for a blog design? Not this gal, I will tell you that much. So of course all the free ones are absolute crap so I thought maybe I will get nifty and create my own. Did that shit on myspace when I was like 14. How hard could it be? Turns out I had one thing when I was fourteen that I lack now – patience. (Aren’t you supposed to get more of that sort of thing as you get older?) It all just got really technical, really quick. Here I am feeling all high and mighty because I have been using basic html for my job, well this stuff knocked me down a few pegs. Needless to say, I got angry, grumbled a bunch, and settled on a very simple design.

The worst part was, by time I came to this conclusion I was so drained and tired that I didn’t want to write my first post anymore. Classic aesthetics – screwing up everything. I even had a topic planned out and everything.

Alright, so this finally brings you up to speed to where I am now, in a figurative sense I suppose. Physically, I am still in my car in the dark, just to let you know. However, now I get to talk about my actual blog. I think my little subtitle says it all. “A place where combobulation, confusion, and chaos get explored and sometimes molded into insight and wisdom.” I want this to be a place for free thought to flow and run. I have written in a journal ever since I can remember and I really cannot explain how amazing it is to just get all the chaos in my head out. I once wrote a whole journal entry about how you can seriously write your way out of anything. You can write your way out of sadness and anger, or hopelessness and pain. I know, I have done it many times. Just start writing, and I swear you can manipulate your own consciousness to become hopeful or happy. It’s crazy. Anyway, I guess this just will be a place for me to throw out my perspective on things, and have a little bit of fun doing so. I might just talk about my day in one post, and I might do an eco-critical analysis of a poem or novel the next day. Anyone and everyone is welcome to read and share how they feel about that. I like the idea that this blog as a whole will not have one single theme, and I will just sort of see where it leads me. If you want to lead it somewhere specific, and want me to write about something in particular, let me know. I would be willing to consider that. I am actually really excited about this. I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I do. 🙂


Ephemeral Cas


3 thoughts on “Combobulation, Confusion, and Chaos.

  1. Haha, I can so relate – I spent weeks changing WordPress templates over and over again (the free ones!). Enjoy the blogging journey. I’m a few months in, like you, no specific direction, it’s an awesome ride!


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